


We Don't Have Each Other

by the_a_team



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_a_team/pseuds/the_a_team
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashlyn and Ali have had many problems in the past. Can they see past these issues and make it work?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> WDHEO is based off of the album of the same name by Aaron West & the Roaring Twenties. A concept album depicting the worst years of Aaron West’s life. It deals with divorce, depression, alcoholism, abandonment, and a few other issues that I want to be a surprise. To get the full effect of this story, I high recommend listening to this album and read through the lyrics.
> 
> There will also be a few minor changes to their lives. In the story, Ali went to UNC instead of PSU.

Ashlyn Harris never thought she would be as happy as she was the day she married Ali Krieger. 

The wedding took place on May 18th, 2010 at Tables Beach, Florida, about 10 minutes north of Ashlyn’s hometown, Satellite Beach. It was a small ceremony-only immediate family and close friends. Roughly twenty people were there to celebrate. Ashlyn dressed in an ivory suit complimented by a violet tie and bare feet, Ali sporting an ivory sundress and a simple bouquet of violet tulips. Ashlyn’s brother, Chris, was her Man of Honor while Ali’s brother, Kyle, was hers. 

“Nervous?” Chris asked Ashlyn before they walked out to their spots.

“More than you can probably tell.”

“You’ll be fine, Ash. As soon as you see her, the nerves will disappear. You’ll be looking at each other like you’re the only two people in the world, like you always have been.”

And Chris was right. 

Since Ali and Ashlyn had met in college, they only had eyes for each other.

\---

Ashlyn, a native of a small beach town in South Florida, has always been a surfer girl at heart. When she was little, she would be woken up in the wee hours of the morning by her brother to go to the beach a few blocks from their house for a morning of swimming, surfing, and sandcastle building. After a few hours of fun on the beach, their grandmother would walk to the beach after her morning walk to gather the kids for lunch at her condo, consisting of mac and cheese and ham sandwiches.

Growing up, Ashlyn would always get teased by the older kids for being a tomboy. She played sports, which was fine to the other kids, but it was the way she dressed and acted that they made fun of. She always wore basketball shorts and tank tops during the summer and sweats and t-shirts in the winter. Boys would wait outside the locker room in high school and harass her as she walked in and out. “Going to the wrong locker room, Harris, the boys room is right down the hall.” “Harris, the girls might think you’re a perv walking in on them.” It didn’t bother her much. 

When Ashlyn was 8, after a rec soccer game, she was playing by the beach with a boy and his friends from the opposing team. “Hey Ashlyn, shouldn’t you be playing for a boys team?” “ After every game, this happened. Most of the time she just ignored them. But every now and then she would shove one of the boys to the ground and tell them to shut up. After one particular game, she had had enough. The boys were being nasty towards her as usual, so she walked down to the shore. There had just been a red tide and dead fish were all along the coast. She picked one of the dead fish up and walked to the boy making fun of her. “What are you gonna do with that, Ashlyn? Eat it?” She looked at the fish, then at the boy, and slapped him across the face with it. He fell on the ground and wiped the small amount of blood that appeared when the fish scales scratched his cheek. He got up and ran away yelling, “I’m telling my mom!”

Ali, on the other hand, was a princess in training. Although she did play sports, she was always a princess at heart. Her entire room was pink from the age of 4 until she started high school, changing it to beige so it would match her posters of Brandi Chastain and Mia Hamm a little better. She never had a boyfriend in high school, always saying that a boyfriend would take away her focus from soccer and academics, which she excelled at.

Her junior year of high school, she became President of the German club. She and her German teacher organized a trip for the summer between her junior and senior year to visit Germany. She had always been passionate about her German heritage ever since her mom told her their last name Krieger meant “warrior” in German. During their trip to Germany, they visited Munich, Berlin, Dortmund, and Frankfurt, where they spent most of their time. Ali made sure to catch a soccer game in each city, because how can you pass up experiencing your favorite thing in the country you love?

When she came back from her trip with the German club, she swore up and down that some day she would end up in Frankfurt. She fell in love with the city. It’s mild climate, it’s soccer (both men’s and women’s), it’s food, and it’s people.

\---

Near the end of her senior year of high school, Ali had committed to UNC over Penn State solely because of their advertising department. She knew she wasn’t going to make a career out of soccer and she wanted to focus on her academics over athletics, even though she had a full ride to Penn State to play soccer. Ashlyn stuck with UNC. She knew the only way out of her hometown was to go to college out of state. She practically begged Coach Dorrance to give her a scholarship so she could prove to him that she was serious about her schooling and soccer. She ended up going on a full ride as well and ended up studying communication.

After four years, the pair graduated and moved to New York City. Ali had been contacted by Anheuser-Busch to be a paid intern for them in the marketing department at the New York City office. Ashlyn got a job bartending in Brooklyn, just a few blocks away from their apartment. Over the years, Ali had been promoted to marketing manager of the New York office and Ashlyn had taken over the bar.


	2. Our Apartment

October 2015

It’s 7:30 am on Sunday and Ashlyn reaches over to turn her phone’s alarm off. She rubs her eyes and stares at the ceiling wondering if maybe, just maybe, today will be the day Ali will talk to her again. It’s been 3 days since their argument and Ali stormed off, going to God knows where.

She gets up from her makeshift bed on the couch and sees clothes strewn everywhere. 

She gets out of bed and drags herself to the kitchen where she sees the piece of paper on the counter next to the coffee pot. She stares at it from the doorway for a minute before walking closer. The note Ali left the night she left. Ashlyn hasn’t moved it, but for three mornings now, she has re-read the note hoping that it’ll say something different.

_Ashlyn…_

_I’ve packed a few things. I’ll be back for the rest of them at a later date. I’ve already fed Kingston his food for today._

_-Ali_

This isn’t a note she’s gotten before. Ali’s notes are usually written on Post-Its with little hearts drawn on them. Some days the note just contains a joke while others it’s a note saying “ _have a great day, my love. I’ll see you tonight… xo alex._ ” This note was on an actual piece of paper. No hearts. No xo. No pet names.

Again, for the third morning in a row after she’s read the note, Ashlyn feels like she’s suffocating. She never thought she would see a day where Ali would walk out like this. So she takes a seat at the table and grabs her phone and scrolls through her contacts. She scrolls to Liz’s number and taps it.

“Hello?”

“It’s Ash.”

“What’s up?”

“Have you talked to Alex today?”

“Yes, she doesn’t want to talk yet, Ash.”

“Can we meet for coffee please Liz?”

“Ash…”

“Liz, please I need to talk to you.”

“Fine. Blue Bottle at noon.”

*click*

On the other side of this phone call at Liz’s apartment, Ali sat sobbing quietly. Liz moves from the chair to the couch where Ali is sitting and wraps her arms around her.

“I’m going to meet Ash for coffee in a bit. Stay here, get some rest, and I’ll come straight home and we can drink wine and watch Scandal all day.”

Ali sniffles and nods. “Just don’t be all day. I’m too sad to be alone right now.”

“You got it”

\---

Back at the apartment, Ashlyn forces herself up from the table and trudged to the bathroom. Turning the warm water on in the shower, she hears a small whimper behind her: Kingston, the French Bulldog Ali got Ashlyn for her 28th birthday, stands in the doorway. That damn dog always knew when either of them was sad and always tried to cheer them up with lots of cuddles and lots of kisses.

Ashlyn looked at the dog and quietly said, “Not right now, buddy. Go lay down.” So Kingston laid by the bathroom door so he could keep an eye on Ashlyn.

After her shower, she gets herself ready for coffee with Liz. She kept replaying the argument between herself and Ali the night before in her head. “You can’t keep doing this to us, Ash,” Ali had said. “You’re hurting me, you’re hurting our families, and you’re hurting yourself.” Ali had found hidden bottles again. Empty whiskey bottles hidden under their bed, hidden in Ashlyn’s sock drawer, even hidden in Ashlyn’s winter coat in the hall closet.

When she walks back out to the kitchen to get her keys, she sees the note again. Taunting her as if it was keeping a secret that Ashlyn was dying to know. She could throw the note away. It’s that simple. Instead, she agonizes over it. She agonizes over where Ali could have gone, that she hasn’t even gotten a hold of her to let her know she’s safe. Furious, Ashlyn slams her phone into the counter and shatters the screen.

Once she has made sure her phone can still properly work despite the shattered screen and is dressed and ready to go, she walks out to her Jeep. She feels as though she is on autopilot. Her mind is numb, her skin is numb, she can’t feel her heart beating. She’s just floating through time. Before she knows it, she is at Blue Bottle, a popular coffee shop with her and Ali and their friends in Brooklyn. Walking in, she sees Liz sitting at a table already with two coffees.

“Hey Liz.”

She takes a seat.

“You look like shit, Ash.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“So have you talked to Ali?”

“I have. She came over after she left and we talked all night about what’s going to happen next.”

“... And?”

“She’s calling her lawyer. She doesn’t plan on getting back together. She’s tired, Ashlyn. She’s tired of the drinking, the lying about drinking, the hidden bottles.”

Ashlyn has her head in her hands at this point, tears falling. Liz places a hand on her shoulder.

“She doesn’t hate you, Ash. She still loves you. She’s just disappointed that it keeps happening. I’ve talked to Kyle and he’s really upset at the situation. He’s going to try to protect Ali, so give him a few months until you talk to him.”

“What do I do, though, Liz? I can’t stand to be home. Every little thing reminds me of her. I see her hair pins everywhere, I wake up to an empty bed and no one in the kitchen making coffee or starting breakfast. The fucking note she left is still on the table. I can’t move it. It agonizes me from the moment I wake up until I go to bed, yet I can’t bring myself to face it, Liz.”

“How about I come over and clean up whatever mess is there? I’ll throw the damn note away and I’ll clean up whatever else mess that you haven’t taken care of and I’ll leave.”

Ashlyn agrees and takes Liz back to the apartment where Liz cleans up the filthy living room, bedroom, and kitchen. Ashlyn can only sit and watch her while hugging her knees on the couch.

“ _It’s going to be a long few months_ ,” Ashlyn thinks to herself.


	3. Grapefruit

June 2014

Ashlyn and Ali are out eating brunch with a couple friends when Ashlyn’s phone rings. She looks to see who is calling. Her mother. Her mother never calls during the day on a weekday. Ashlyn looks at her phone with a puzzled look on her face. Ali notices and places a hand on her thigh.

“What is it babe?”

“Oh, my mom is calling. She never calls in the middle of the week. I’ll be right back.”

She kisses Ali on the cheek and takes her phone outside.

“Hey mom.”

“Hey Ashlyn.”

Her mother never calls her Ashlyn unless she’s in trouble or something is wrong.

“Is everything okay mom?”

She hears her mother sniffle through the other line.

“It’s your father, honey.”

Ashlyn can already feel herself going into shock. She doesn’t hear much after that except a few key words. Cancer. Not good. Maybe a few months. She sits on the ground outside of the cafe and feels the world spinning around her. All of a sudden, she sees Ali speaking to her frantically, but she can’t make any of the words out. She can’t even see straight.

“Ashlyn can you hear me?! What’s wrong Ashlyn?!”

She finally breaks away from her thousand-yard stare and focuses on Ali who is now holding Ashlyn’s phone up to her ear.

“Tammye, it’s Ali. What’s going on?”

As Ali is filled in on what Ashlyn was told, she looks at Ashlyn with tears in her eyes.

“Thank you for calling, Tammye. I’m gonna get Ashlyn home and take care of her.”

Once she hangs up, Ali helps Ashlyn to her feet. It’s been about 15 minutes since Ashlyn had answered the phone and their friends had already left. She gets to her feet and feels like she’s floating. She can’t imagine a life without her father. Her father, who had coached her in every soccer game she ever played growing up through high school. Her father, who saw her off to UNC and traveled to every home game at Fetzer Field. Her father, who made sure to fly her to Georgia as much as he could after he and Ashlyn’s mother had split and he moved to Atlanta. He had taught her so much about life and how to be humble and take responsibility and how to be a good person. What will she do without him?

They finally make it home after a slow walk and Ali starts a bath for Ashlyn. She massages her shoulders and washes her hair and cooks dinner, all while Ashlyn sits in silence.

“Honey, let’s go to bed. We’ll feel better in the morning.”

So Ashlyn slowly stands up on wobbly legs and manages to move them one at a time until she’s in bed.

The next day, Ashlyn was finally able to speak.

“What do I do, Al? I don’t know how to deal with something like this.”

“Well, I think you should go visit him, first and foremost. He needs you, your mom needs you, and Chris needs you. Do you know where he’s getting treated?”

“I didn’t get that much in the phone call. I kinda blacked out during it. I should call my mom though.”

So Ashlyn calls her mom again and gets the details. Her father is moving back to Satellite Beach and will get treatment at Orlando Regional. He knows as well as anyone that he’s going to get weaker as the treatment goes on and needs his family to help him. When Ashlyn hears that much, she learns how vulnerable her father is. She always saw him as a rock. Very emotionally sturdy, didn’t say a whole lot, but said just enough to be Ashlyn’s hero.

\---

Ashlyn visited her father three times before he passed. Brain cancer. 2 months later in August. He decided to go to Orlando Regional for his treatment, but when he started his first round of radiation, his body decided that it was a good time to get pneumonia. The doctors had done everything they could to make him comfortable, they just couldn’t find the right mixture of chemicals to cure the pneumonia alongside the cancer and the two created a monster inside of his body.

\---

Early August 2014

When Ashlyn found out he was passing, she and Ali were having lunch in the cafeteria. Nothing too heavy, just a couple ham and cheese sandwiches and some chips. All of a sudden, Ali heard what sounded like Chris yelling down the hall leading to the cafeteria.

“Ashlyn, we need you! He’s crashing!”

Ashlyn had tunnel vision running down the hallway. She’s not sure how many visitors and doctors she ran into on the way, but she could feel them bouncing off of her body as she ran. When she got to the room, Tammye was on the ground sobbing hysterically while doctors were rushing around the room yelling, trying to stabilize her father. Ashlyn freezes in the doorway. It was all in slow motion, like a nightmare that would never end. She panned her eyes over each doctor’s individual face. The look of concern and determination in their tired eyes. She panned her eyes over to Chris holding their mother on the ground. Chris was crying. Chris never cries. The last time Ashlyn saw Chris cry was when they were kids and he broke his arm. Yet here he is in a hospital room full of people and he couldn’t hold his pain.

By the time Ali had caught up, Ashlyn’s father was gone. She peered inside from the doorway and saw the doctors and nurses covering Mike’s body and trying to get Ashlyn, Chris, and Tammye to exit the room. Ashlyn stood stoic in the door, staring at her father. Staring at the blanket covering her father.

“Ashlyn, honey, can you hear me?”

No response. She feels a hand on her shoulder. A young nurse, maybe 24, looks at Ali. “She’s in shock. We should get her to lie down.”

They manage to get Ashlyn into the waiting room and onto a couch where she stays until the next morning. 

\---

Mid August 2014

A week after her father’s funeral, Ash hadn’t talked to Ali much. When they did talk, it was an argument. Every little thing got on Ashlyn’s nerves. For instance, one evening when Ali got home from work, she sat her keys on the kitchen counter instead of hanging them up on the fridge.

“That’s okay, I’ll put your keys up.”

“Ash…”

“It’s a fucking simple task, Alex. Was your day so exhausting that you couldn’t move your keys from the counter to the fucking fridge?”

Ali’s voice became stern.

“Ashlyn. Stop.”

After a 15 minute argument that never should have happened, Ashlyn was sleeping on the couch. On the days this didn’t happen, Ashlyn was silent the entire day. She started drinking a little more whiskey than normal and she would disappear to the bar where she would sit in her office and drink.

One rare day where Ashlyn and Ali had a day off together, they were watching television when Ali mentioned something completely out of the blue.

“What do you think about starting a family?”

Ashlyn looked at her, puzzled.

“A family? Like, now?”

“Why not?”

“I could think of a million reasons why not, Al.”

Ali turns on the couch to face Ashlyn.

“And I can think of a million reason why we should Ash.”

After a week of debating and making what felt like thousands of pros and cons lists, they finally decide that maybe starting a family would be good for them right now.

October 2014

Ashlyn and Ali make their way to their doctor’s office to begin the in vitro process. After lots of questions and “are you sure”’s, they finally began the procedure. Two weeks later, they go back for a checkup and find out Ali is pregnant. Immediately, they go to Lowe’s and start thinking of ideas for a nursery. They are perusing the paint aisle when Ashlyn begins to wonder aloud.

“What color should we go for? Hell, we don’t even know the gender.”

“How about pink and orange?”

“That’s oddly specific.”

“Remember when we we getting to know each other and you asked me my favorite fruit? Do you remember what I said?”

“A grapefruit?”

“A grapefruit,” Ali says in confirmation. “When Ky and I were little, our mom would make us breakfast every day before school. Waffles with blueberries, a glass of orange juice, and a grapefruit half. I always loved the color of them.” She grabs a pale pink and orange paint chips and hands them to Ashlyn. Ashlyn looks at them then looks back up at Ali.

“Pink and orange it is.”

Later that night when they are asleep, Ashlyn has a dream. 

_Ashlyn stands in the backyard of her childhood home with a soccer ball at her feet. She can hear her father at the other end of the backyard calling her name. When she looks up from the ball, she doesn’t see her father. She sees a dove._

_“Ashlyn, I’ll always love you, you know that?”_

_She stares at this dove. She doesn’t know what to do or say._

_“Why’d you leave me?_

_“It was my time, Ashlyn. As much as I wanted to hold on for you, I had to let go.”_

_“Where’d you go?”_

_“I’m right here.” The dove places it’s wing over her heart. Ashlyn looks down and see the wing vanish. The dove is gone. She’s all alone._


End file.
